A They Might Be Giants deep cut about compulsive lying and a childhood memory about a dead rabbit, a paid psychic, and the slow realization that I was never the only one lying. (Mink Car, 2001)
Long comment warning! I also had a parent who used lies to manipulate. Mine was a step-dad who regularly lied to my brother and I, broke promises, then gaslighted us about them, and also lied about us to our mom, to discredit us and drive a wedge between us. All this while acting to everyone on the outside as if he was the perfect, doting parent. Classic abuser techniques to gaslight the victims and destroy their support systems.
It's given me a very rigid view of honesty. I feel very strongly about telling the truth and even have a hard time with "white lies." I'd rather tell someone the truth in a kind and tactful way or avoid answering the question if I suspect my answer will hurt feelings. This doesn't always get received well, because some people really just prefer to be flattered over hearing something they perceive as negative, but I've been hurt by lies so often that I just can't do that to another person.
I also mean it when I ask for a truthful opinion. I don't want meaningless platitudes, but honesty. I get very hurt when I ask for an opinion and find out later that the person lied to me. It makes me feel like they didn't trust me to handle the truth (I'm not a child), that they thought it would be funny to let me believe the lie, that their opinion of me is so low that I'm not worthy of constructive feedback, or that I can't trust them to tell the truth at all. Bigger lies and broken promises are something that are very difficult for me to get over, because the betrayal tells me that a person I believed was safe never was.
This song reminds me of that smooth-talking, fast-talking serial liar from my past that everyone believed. Someone who lied so often that they likely even convinced themselves that they were telling the truth. Someone who plays the victim when people don't believe them, because NOW they're telling the truth. If you don't believe me now, you'll never believe me... turning the blame on the victim instead of accepting responsibility for losing their trust.
I read on the TMBG wiki that this song was an homage to "Lies" by The Knickerbockers and "La La La Lies" by The Who, which both are about past relationships, the first romantic and the second not specified but who could be anyone close enough to hurt the person with lies that their friend or partner sees through and helps them overcome. TMBG really captures the way liars operate, and the upbeat music and tempo perfectly accentuates how it's all happening under a veneer of fake affection.
P.A., I sorry you had that experience growing up - it sucks.
It makes perfect sense to me that you have the need to give and receive honesty the way you do. And I also struggle with believing people at face value or feeling betrayal when I find that someone was not being honest with me. I’ve come to learn later how to differentiate between intended and unintended harm but sometimes the nuances of someone fully attempting to be honest but not knowing how and coming up short are hard for me to navigate. Rigid thinking I guess?
I think I read that on the wiki too but I still haven’t listened to either of those songs! I think you’re right about the upbeat pop sound being the perfect way to musically accentuate the way liar operates under a veneer of fake affection. Excellent point .
Brilliant piece, Chase. I’m sorry your mom was so manipulative instead of supportive. Lots of lies in my family history but rarely if ever used vindictively.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard this song. It really does have a strong power pop energy to it.
Thank you so much, Steve. That means a lot. I didn’t know when I sat down to write about this song that I was going to start unpacking all of this haha I fought with it all week!
After my grandma passed away in 2007, I stopped associating with that side of my family altogether.
Long comment warning! I also had a parent who used lies to manipulate. Mine was a step-dad who regularly lied to my brother and I, broke promises, then gaslighted us about them, and also lied about us to our mom, to discredit us and drive a wedge between us. All this while acting to everyone on the outside as if he was the perfect, doting parent. Classic abuser techniques to gaslight the victims and destroy their support systems.
It's given me a very rigid view of honesty. I feel very strongly about telling the truth and even have a hard time with "white lies." I'd rather tell someone the truth in a kind and tactful way or avoid answering the question if I suspect my answer will hurt feelings. This doesn't always get received well, because some people really just prefer to be flattered over hearing something they perceive as negative, but I've been hurt by lies so often that I just can't do that to another person.
I also mean it when I ask for a truthful opinion. I don't want meaningless platitudes, but honesty. I get very hurt when I ask for an opinion and find out later that the person lied to me. It makes me feel like they didn't trust me to handle the truth (I'm not a child), that they thought it would be funny to let me believe the lie, that their opinion of me is so low that I'm not worthy of constructive feedback, or that I can't trust them to tell the truth at all. Bigger lies and broken promises are something that are very difficult for me to get over, because the betrayal tells me that a person I believed was safe never was.
This song reminds me of that smooth-talking, fast-talking serial liar from my past that everyone believed. Someone who lied so often that they likely even convinced themselves that they were telling the truth. Someone who plays the victim when people don't believe them, because NOW they're telling the truth. If you don't believe me now, you'll never believe me... turning the blame on the victim instead of accepting responsibility for losing their trust.
I read on the TMBG wiki that this song was an homage to "Lies" by The Knickerbockers and "La La La Lies" by The Who, which both are about past relationships, the first romantic and the second not specified but who could be anyone close enough to hurt the person with lies that their friend or partner sees through and helps them overcome. TMBG really captures the way liars operate, and the upbeat music and tempo perfectly accentuates how it's all happening under a veneer of fake affection.
P.A., I sorry you had that experience growing up - it sucks.
It makes perfect sense to me that you have the need to give and receive honesty the way you do. And I also struggle with believing people at face value or feeling betrayal when I find that someone was not being honest with me. I’ve come to learn later how to differentiate between intended and unintended harm but sometimes the nuances of someone fully attempting to be honest but not knowing how and coming up short are hard for me to navigate. Rigid thinking I guess?
I think I read that on the wiki too but I still haven’t listened to either of those songs! I think you’re right about the upbeat pop sound being the perfect way to musically accentuate the way liar operates under a veneer of fake affection. Excellent point .
Brilliant piece, Chase. I’m sorry your mom was so manipulative instead of supportive. Lots of lies in my family history but rarely if ever used vindictively.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard this song. It really does have a strong power pop energy to it.
Thank you so much, Steve. That means a lot. I didn’t know when I sat down to write about this song that I was going to start unpacking all of this haha I fought with it all week!
After my grandma passed away in 2007, I stopped associating with that side of my family altogether.