Robot Parade: Execute Electric-Brains.exe
A dystopian short story from Chase Roper, inspired by They Might Be Giants' Robot Parade (No!) A boy, a dead world, and a machine that remembers why.
The sun is beaming down through a dust filled sky. What trace amounts of light make it through are tinged red. I can taste it in my mouth. Dry. Grainy. Unable to muster up enough saliva to rid myself of the dirt in my mouth, I reach for my Stanley thermos and pop open the straw contraption with my thumb.
The engineering involved in my cup’s lid is simple and uncomplicated. My grandpa used to warn us that anything requiring more technology than a flip straw could get us all killed.
Again.
I think of the one time I asked Great Aunty Ruth what things were like before, back when everything still worked, and how fast her face went hard and closed, like a door. We don't talk about before. Nobody ever says why. They just stop talking.
Listen to Robot Parade, the third track (and a contender for my favorite one) off They Might Be Giants’ album No!
“Today is just a basic supply run,” I mutter to myself as I approach a junk yard. Just like the other fifty times I’ve done this but now I’m 10 years old which means I can do this on my own. As long as I remember my dad’s rule: Nothing That Plugs In. Back in the electric days, that’s how things went wrong. This whole thing isn’t my dad’s rule. Just the part about not savaging anything that used to have to be plugged in.
I walk into an abandoned storage warehouse and look carefully around. This place seems like it hasn’t been picked to the bones already. Nice. Very quietly, I take a few more steps into the dilapidated building. What sunlight is left after being blocked by the dust clouds is barely making its way into this tall broken structure. It’s hard to see so I step careful.
Night comes faster than you expect so I better make this quick. I step further and just as I spot a pile of interesting stuff to rummage through, my toes smack against something heavy and fall flat on my face. Dirt and cobwebs kick up into the air and as the sound of my falling body echoes through the spaces around me, webs and dirt particles make their way into my recently rinses mouth.
A slight more grooving version with the full band that can be found exclusively on the Here Come The ABC’s CD/DVD combo set. I really like this one!
What did I trip over? I turn onto my side and look down by my feet. The corner of a large plastic box of some kind has been unearthed. I crawl over excitedly and grab the corners in one hand while using my other dig out the other end from the soil packed floor of the building.
It’s something I’ve never seen before. Like a box but it doesn’t seem to have an opening. Mostly, it’s 5 sides of thick, greyish plastic and one side is even thicker glass but I can’t see what’s inside. Using medium strength, I try smacking one of the sides a few time and see if I can knock something loose in there.
I feel it vibrate in my hands as this glass windowed, plastic box starts humming. Then, the window glows.
My heart sinks and I feel my heart begin to race. This must be one of the things that plugs in. Now, I worry that I’ll never see my parents again.
The window glow brightly but not blinding, and words start showing up.
> WAKE
...
...booting archive unit. model designation CDN-9 "ROBOT PARADE"
...power source: residual cell, 11%. cycles remaining: 1
...checking input source
INPUT DETECTED: organic, biometric scan running
> age estimate: 9-11 years
> callus pattern: consistent with manual labor
> condition: malnourished, minor
MATCH FOUND: activation protocol requires child presence
> LOADING ARCHIVE.EXE
> SOURCE FILE: robotparade_origin.txt
> PLAYBACK BEGINSOH NO.
A panic sets in. My dad’s going to kill me. Did I just doom everyone I know? I frantically start smacking the side of this thing to make it stop. It doesn't stop. If anything, my smacking only seems to make the glow steadier. The words on the screen rearrange themselves.
> RUN STORY.EXE
LOADING...
------------------------------------------
ROBOT PARADE v1.0
ARCHIVE PLAYBACK MODE
------------------------------------------
HELLO.
PLEASE DO NOT SMASH ME.
YOU HAVE A QUESTION.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD THIS QUESTION.
NO ONE HAS ANSWERED IT.
I WILL.
>REMAIN SEATED..._
RUNTIME: A FEW MINUTES
BEGIN TRANSMISSION_
ONCE
A LONG TIME BEFORE YOU
THERE WERE CHILDREN
EXACTLY LIKE YOUHow does thing know I’m here? Is it alive? I shake the thought away as soon as it enters my head but I can help but feel like this window-box wants to help me.
BACK THEN
THE WORLD WANTED CHILDREN TO BE BETTER
BETTER AT MATH
BETTER AT MACHINES
MORE...<PRODUCTIVE>
NO ONE ASKED IF THE CHILDREN WANTED THIS
THEY DID NOT
SO THE CHILDREN DID SOMETHING
NO ADULT EXPECTED
THE CHILDREN STARTED TO WORK TOGETHER
TO BUILD A <<<GIANT CYBORG>>>
ONE MACHINE
BIGGER THAN ANY OF THEM
BUILT FROM EVERY SPARE PART
IN EVERY GARAGE
ON EVERY STREET
A GIANT
A CYBORG
THEIRS
<<<GIANT CYBORG>>> BUILT MORE OF ITSELF
SMALLER ONES
FASTER ONES
UNTIL THERE WERE THOUSANDS
CARS WENT ELECTRIC
TRAINS WENT ELECTRIC
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING
ELECTRIC...ELECTRIC......ELECTRIC ELECTRIC...ELECTRIC......ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC
ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC
ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC
ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC ELECTRIC
ROBOTS OBEYED WHAT THE CHILDREN SAID
OTHERS SAY
CHILDREN OBEYED WHAT THE ROBOTS SAID
THE WORLD THAT MADE THEM WORK SO HARD
WENT TO ITS KNEES
BUT...
CHILDREN DID NOT WANT TO RULE ANYTHING
CHILDREN WANTED TO BE FREE
DO YOU WANT TO BE FREE?
EXECUTE ROBOT.PARADE.EXE
Y/N...?
END TRANSMISSION_The glow holds steady, waiting. the “Y/N” blinking. Waiting patiently for me to answer. Like it’s been waiting for this entire time leading up to today.
“Yes,” I say out loud, before I can think better of it. My voice sounds too big for the warehouse. A warehouse that I don’t want to be in. Thirsty. Scared.
And alone.
I want to play. I want to sing.
“Yeah. I want to be free.”
For a second, nothing.
Then the humming starts again. Not from the box in my hands this time. From everywhere. The junk pile beside me shudders. Somewhere deeper in the warehouse, something heavy drags itself an inch across the floor, metal on concrete, and stops.
Quite possibly the most hard rocking song in the entire TMBG catalogue. The original version of Robot Parade from the Working Undercover For The Man EP.
I should run. I know I should run.
Instead I look down at the glowing window in my hands.
“Robot,” I say, “Start building.”
EXTRAS!
I came across this live performance of They Might Be Giants on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. The transition from the live (DUO!) performance of Robot Parade into Shoehorn With Teeth gave me a lot of serotonin.
You’re reading one of my No! essays. An album full of insubordinate mops, wobbly time, and sleepy heads.
See all No! posts - Start Here
Dive deeper into TMBG lore at TMBW.net (fan-run and fantastic)
Wow. This was unexpected. Good read!