Shoehorn with Teeth
Shoehorn with Teeth
There is no such thing as a shoehorn with teeth but there IS such thing as a song called 'Shoehorn with Teeth' which is what this piece is about.
Great songs feature great instruments.
Of all the songs on the ‘LINCOLN’ album featuring a glockenspiel, Shoehorn with Teeth is the best of them. My best friend and I found endless joy as teenagers (and as young adults and as recent as just yesterday) flipping the bird to the exact strike of the ‘ol ‘spiel.
I first heard this song in my early teens along with every song on this album and while I didn’t realize it then, I recognize that my immediate fondness for it came because of two main reasons.
Reason number one can only be described as a sort of nostalgia. This song has a similar golden era of TV sound to it that reminds me a little of the Log song from Ren & Stimpy. A sort of children’s commercial quality. The second reason involves my teenage love for being a contrarian.
I fancied myself as someone who challenged the status quo and questioned widely accepted truths. In my heart of hearts, I was a little budding comedy writer with a very healthy sense of skepticism and love for finding the bit and doubling down.
The theme of the day is absurdity.
At its core, Shoehorn with Teeth is about a guy who presumably approaches an employee at a shoe store for some help trying on shoes. He asks for a shoe horn. The kind with teeth. Why would he ask for a shoehorn with teeth if he knows that doesn’t exist?
It is such an absurd concept. The absurdity of it is the bit. And that’s why he asked for it. I wouldn’t have been that kind of person in real life. That’s a guy trying too hard to be funny or absurd for the sake of seeming interesting or contrary. But a song about that kind of guy is what spoke to me. The noticing of that person who exists.
Woah, who let the philosopher in the house?
The lyrics give us a little more insight into the philosophical mindset that such a person follows.
What’s the sense
In ever thinking ‘bout the tomb
when you’re much too busy
returning to the womb?
A very young me heard that lyric and thought “hahaha how true. Everybody is so busy trying to have sex that there should be no time left to think about dying.”
I was a pre-teen and while interested was not yet pursuing this endeavor but was certainly dwelling on the idea of death far too much for my liking. I couldn’t wait for it to flip around and let my sexually active adult life take all that existential dread away from me.
The adult version of me quickly understood that two things can be true at the same time. Unfortunately.
A favorite performance.
Shoehorn comes in at 73 seconds, is full of silliness, sarcastic cries for beating up people who state their beliefs, and a powerful glockenspiel. It doesn’t feature in my regular rotation of songs often but when it makes an appearance, it is not a song to skip.
Let’s wrap this one up with a video of my favorite performance of this song during an appearance on Late Nite with Conan O’Brien.