Theys, Gays, and Giants: How Two Celebrations Shape My Life
An essay exploring They Day, National Coming Out Day, and how They Might Be Giants’ music intersects with identity, pronouns, and community.
Today marks an extraordinary convergence of events that have become increasingly personal to me over time: it’s They Day, a fan celebration for the band They Might Be Giants, and it’s also National Coming Out Day. For those unfamiliar with They Day, it’s been celebrated since 1999, when fans would write the word "They" on their foreheads as a quirky, joyful way to express their love for the music and their fellow fans.
As seen in the image above, one of the band’s EPs had an image of children tossing a human skull in the air which had the word “THEY” written on its forehead.
As time marched on, the word They began to carry even more significance.
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The Evolution of "They"
I used to consider "They" as a mere lighthearted nod to a band that I love. Today, it’s a pronoun that many people, including my youngest child and several friends, use to describe their identity. It’s a pronoun that, for some, feels like finally being seen and heard. We live in a world that often feels like it's never fully catching up to the idea that gender doesn’t fit neatly into a box. And they has become a powerful, validating expression of self.
What might have seemed like a quirky fan ritual leftover from a pre-social media era, almost like some strange, quasi-Catholic parody, is now VERY relevant to me. Today, writing “They” on your forehead feels less like a goofy homage to a band and more like a meaningful gesture of solidarity with the non-binary community.
It feels almost like They Day was preparing us—even if unintentionally—to embrace this more inclusive world.
If this reflection resonates with you (the way music, identity, and belonging all intertwines) you might feel at home in the rest of this project. I’m writing about every They Might Be Giants song with this same lens of memory, care, and curiosity. Subscribe for free to read along.
They Day Meets National Coming Out Day
There’s something beautifully poetic about these two celebrations falling on the same day. On They Day, we celebrate a band that has always embraced weirdness, individuality, and community. And on National Coming Out Day, we celebrate people stepping into their true selves, even when doing so requires immense bravery.
Both days are about owning who you are and finding your people, whether it's through music or identity.
I have always viewed TMBG as a safe space for people. I see it in the things they say publicly, share online, and in the robustly diverse accepting fan base. There is something very disarming and refreshing about knowing that your favorite band is made up of like-minded people like. People who accept, embrace, and are allies to people who need them most.
Theys and Gays in My Life
I’m privileged to have an incredible circle of friends and family members who are non-binary, who have come out or who haven’t yet, and who are fans of TMBG or any combination of those. My youngest child identifies as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns and my son came out in his early teens. I feel so grateful for the honesty and courage of the people around me. They enrich my life in countless ways. So today is especially meaningful, a joyful day for all the Theys and Gays in my life.
When I see the people I hold closest living authentically, I can’t help but be struck by the bravery involved. I haven’t experienced it but I know it can’t be easy. But when I think about how music like TMBG’s has been a kind of safety net for people who have maybe been told they aren’t accepted or even hated because of who they are, I feel thankful that the band I love embraces, accepts and supports them. Whether you’re coming out as non-binary or simply standing out in your own weird, wonderful way, there's room for you here.
As I’ve watched my children grow into who they are, that ethos feels even more important. They Might Be Giants has always uplifted the voices of those who need to be heard.
Has a song or band ever helped you feel more seen or understood?
I’d love to hear what music has been that kind of safe space for you.
Looking Ahead: Celebrating Every Day
While today is a special convergence of celebrations, I hope we can carry the spirit of They Day and National Coming Out Day forward into the rest of this year and the next. Celebrating who we are, whether through singing about a nightlight or through the bravery of coming out, shouldn’t be reserved for one day. It’s something we ought to do every day.
Coming Out Resources: https://www.hrc.org/resources/coming-out
Protect LGBTQ+ Right: https://give.hrc.org/page/156810/donate/1?ea.tracking.id=or_gnr_hrc_webtesting24
