Unrelated Thing: Please Focus, For Just One Second

Never have I ever understood this song more than after I married my wife with ADHD.

Interior disc art from John Henry by They Might Be Giants (1994).

I brought my wife to a They Might Be Giants show in Seattle a couple weeks ago. It was her first time seeing them live but I’d long since already made her a fan. The night we went, the band was featuring songs from the album John Henry for most of the first set. For reasons I’ve explained in earlier posts, I don’t put this album, or songs from it, on very often so my wife is not familiar with most of them.

Live, From John Henry

Early in the night, John Flansburgh declared into the microphone that they were about to play what will be the slowest song of the entire night. Then proceeded to play Unrelated Thing and after the very first verse, my wife grabbed my arm and laughed. The fourth track on John Henry, it may be the slowest song in the band’s entire catalog. (If not, it’s definitely the one I always think is.)

This is a country tune if I’ve ever heard one. Rather than a steel guitar or slide, it features a guitar with a custom b-bender built in. Playing a guitar like that isn’t incredibly common. I recently got to try one out when a used one made an appearance at my local guitar shop and they’re endlessly fun.

Essentially, the guitar is rigged so that pushing down on the neck while playing causes the guitar strap to pull back on a gear (or something inside) that bends the b-string up an octave.

B-Benders and Other Beautiful Distractions

Jack White has a custom Fender Telecaster that has something similar except his is a g-bender. But his guitar has also been modified to include a drop D switch, a three-position pickup selector, and a cut-off switch. I dream of being talented enough of a guitar player that I could say, “If only I had a drop D switch, G-Bender, and cut-off switch. That’s what’s holding me back.”

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My most interesting musical possession is a Squire 6-string bass, which are typically tuned as B0 (an octave lower than the standard 5-string bass B), E, A, D, G, C. All an octave lower than their standard guitar counter parts. In my case, the instrument is tuned exactly like a standard 6-string guitar but one octave lower.

This allows me to play bass licks, normal guitar licks and even chords. All of which resonate much more deeply. You haven’t lived until you play Kiss Me, Son Of God on my 6-sting bass.

In the case of this song’s bendy-B string; it’s that country twangy mournfulness sound that perfectly suits a song about two people missing each others’ signals.

This Song Is a Loading Screen for My Ears

Unrelated Thing surfaces an emotion for me that I usually reserve for helping older generations with technology. Watching them try to navigate their mouse around a screen or search for the right keys to press while everything inside you wants grab the mouse and keyboard away so you can do it yourself and go on about your life.

Why does it take so long!?

Am I victim (or cause?) of our collective societal need for instant gratification? I don’t think so. When I order food at a restaurant, I don’t expect it to arrive immediately. In fact, I’d like to have time to chat before we’re asked to order at all. Waiting isn’t inherently bad or the problem for me. But when I open an email on my PC, it better open up within sixty seconds or, Buddy, we’re gonna be addressing your performance issues because that just will not abide.

It’s that feeling I get when an internet connection is just not good enough. It is the year of our lord 2,025 and I refuse to wait more than sixty seconds for anything to load. This song gives me that feeling.

It’s start off with the lyric:

“Do you smile ‘cause I’m funny,” said the man.

As soon as John Linnell sings the drawn out smiiiiiile, I can feel that sense of “HURRY IT UP” kick in. This isn’t a critique of the song by any means, if anything, this is a comment on my lifelong disdain for being patient.

Most of my friends and colleagues have told me that I’m the most patient person they know, but they have mistaken my calm and peaceful demeanor for patience. My frustration is dealt with internally, like all of my emotions, until the day I die.

For nobody’s preference but my own, I always felt that Unrelated Thing could stand to pick up the tempo just a tiny bit. I think the song is deliberately this slow in order to challenge the listener not to get distracted by other thoughts while listening.

You see, that’s what this song is at its core. A song about two people - likely in a relationship - trying to communicate. The man is trying to understand why the woman is smiling. He was talking about something sincere and the reaction she is having doesn’t match his vibe.

She was thinking of something else and not listening at all.

We’re Talking, But Are You Listening?

I’ve gone most of my life without fully relating to this song. Generally, I would hear it and think of moments in my life where I generally felt like I was not being heard. But then, I watched TMBG play it live with my wife. She grabbed my arm and laughed because she recognized herself in that exact moment.

This song was perfectly describing any one of a dozen weekly interactions between us. None of them malicious or intentional but rather, all caused by her ADHD. It’s a struggle some days.

In the days to follow that concert, I’ve listened to this song many more times. Each time, I wanted it to speed up just A LITTLE BIT but I also thought about my wife on that night. About her realization as she listened for the first time.

I also thought about the fact that I will never be able to read this entire post to her from start to finish without competing with the myriad other thoughts she will think of instead.

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