If I Wasn’t Shy: a Clarinet-Fueled Rebellion
What would you do if you weren’t shy? A look at They Might Be Giants’ “If I Wasn’t Shy” from Apollo 18, where rebellion meets tenderness.
I was a theater kid. From fourth through twelfth grade, I performed in plays, musicals, and the occasional band concerts. Later, I spent a full decade doing stand-up comedy. So by most definitions, I wasn’t shy. At least, that’s how it looked from the outside.
But put me in a small group—or worse, one-on-one—and the confidence would dwindle. Tell a girl I had a crush on her? That required weeks of rehearsals and a carefully folded note delivered by a mutual friend. Performing for a hundred people? Easy. Introduce myself in a five-person meeting with a forced icebreaker? Hard pass.
What a Shy Song Sounds Like
The fourteenth track on Apollo 18 tells the story of a man who’s certain he’d destroy the workforce, embark on a crime spree, and kiss the woman of his dreams—if not for one small thing: he’s shy.
If I Wasn’t Shy features John Flansburgh on vocals and guitar, with John Linnell at the clarinettian helm.
Flansburgh once told a 1992 audience that he wrote the song “in an altered state,” and honestly, that checks out. Clocking in at 1:43, the song is deceptively simple but subtly complex.
Unlike many TMBG songs of the era, it’s light on samples and leans entirely on organic textures—Flansy’s guitar and Linnell’s velvety, rounded clarinet. By the final verse, those clarinet tones are layered into an almost dissonant chord that gives the song an awkward sort of sound. Almost as if the song itself is feeling shy.
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My Dad, AFSCME, and the Clarinet Rebellion
Music was always playing in our house or car, whether my dad was working on a project or just hanging out on a Sunday. By sixth grade, I was the only one actually playing an instrument, but music was still one of our strongest shared languages.
Getting some acknowledgement or approval for the music I was finding on my own was important to me. One day, I popped my Apollo 18 cassette into the car stereo. I was probably eager to show him See the Constellation, but it was If I Wasn’t Shy that caught him.
Right as Flansburgh sang:
I'd burn all the uniforms
I'd burn all the "Ask Me" buttons
I'd burn all the intercoms
I'd burn all the time clock cards
Give it a listen below and see if you also mishear it as “AFSCME buttons.”
My dad let out this big, delighted laugh. “AFSCME is the name of the union I’m in for work!” he hollered.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him the lyric was “ask me buttons,” not “AFSCME buttons.” It didn’t matter. He was enjoying music from my favorite band and I was feeling seen. Now that I’m a working adult myself, I think the spirit of the verse holds true for both of us even thought it wasn’t AFSCME. Uniforms, intercoms, time clocks? To hell with all of that.
The Many Faces of Shyness
As a kid, you think being shy is binary. You’re either loud or you’re not. But adulthood teaches you that shyness isn’t always about volume. It’s not just about being shy or not shy. Adulthood has taught me that shyness is really just a product of being introverted versus extroverted.
Beyond that, I’ve also met people who are introverted extroverts and extroverted introverts. I’ve met gregarious1 extroverts who fall apart in one-on-one conversations. I’ve known quiet people who command entire rooms. I’ve performed for sold-out crowds but needed three days to prepare for an important phone call.
Why do I hesitate at certain things and not others? Does “shyness” mean that I think about my decision more carefully? I don’t know if that’s connected to being shy or just a flavor of introvert, but I definitely overthink almost everything. I wouldn’t even call it careful thinking. Just... thinking.
Maybe shy people just have bigger imaginations. Maybe we’re busy writing songs in our heads—about what we’d do if only we could.
A Shy Song That Says Everything
If I Wasn’t Shy is a love song disguised as a tantrum. It’s a gentle clarinet-toting threat wrapped in swing rhythm and contradiction. It captures a feeling many of us carry quietly—how much of life might be different if we weren’t so afraid of being seen.
What’s something you’ve never said or done—not because you didn’t want to, but because you were shy?
Was it destructive, romantic? Somewhere in between?
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