Snail Shell: The Art of Emotional Retreat
A raw look at love, pain, and They Might Be Giants’ “Snail Shell." An anthem for the days when hiding feels like self-care.
I’m in the perfect mood to write about this song.
Not because I’m happy or feeling especially nostalgic. But because I’m in a thought spiraling tailspin. And Snail Shell, the second track on They Might Be Giants’ album, John Henry, is a song I associate with emotional retreat and the pain that causes it. Lately, I’ve never needed this song’s reminder more.
Normally, I follow a robust outline when I write these posts. I’ll cover themes, life stories, and a little philosophical musings. Today, won’t be that. This is going to be off the cuff, processing of my emotions.
“Was it something you would do for anybody?”
Apologies up front if this reads as too whiney or self-absorbed. I know that there are far worse things happening in the world but I do want to write honestly; it’s one of the most grounding things I can do.
For the past year or more, a person in my life who I love a lot has said some things to me that have hurt.1 Simultaneously, I have been providing what I feel is an amount of emotional support that goes above and beyond. Constantly seconding my own needs. Holding space, staying patient. Until I’m just sort of not okay anymore.
It’s not rare to feel uncomfortable about being vulnerable. Deep and meaningful relationships require vulnerability and that requires risk. It means someone close to you has the ability to hurt you whether intentional or not. And when they do? You want to crawl back into yourself. Like a snail into its shell.
A sarcastic “thank you”
That’s what Snail Shell means to me.
There is a feeling I get when a person I’ve let deep within my emotional walls, part of my foundation even, says or does something that stings. Or maybe, there is a distance and disconnect that will not be acknowledged until you insist on an honest conversation. These moments remind me that I am allowed to withdraw, put up walls, and disengage a little bit. An emotional un-investment of sorts. Not giving up, not saying its broken but turning down the anxiety volume a little so I can give myself some emotional support.
I’m not getting into the specifics here, although this person doesn’t read this newsletter (even though I’ve expressed how much it would mean to be to maybe read it once every couple of months.) Before this song came into my life, I didn’t have a way to express this cycle I would experience.
A song that sarcastically expresses a cynical ‘thank you’ to the person who put the singer back in his own snail shell. This resonates loudly for me.
Was it something you would do for anybody?
Was it what you’d only do for me?
I need to know, because you see,
I want to thank you for putting me back in my snail shell.
The amount of mental and emotional anguish that I’ve allowed myself to feel lately is unnecessary. Listening to this song all week has me in my feels. Thinking back to all the times I’ve felt truly hurt and had this song as a companion.
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A melody that would run though my thoughts as I contemplated how I wound up in a position where someone could even be close enough to me to get to my core. Moments like this:
My uncle’s suicide (probably where this emotional pattern started.)
My mom. That’s it, just all of that.
When my kids’ mom moved them across a mountain range—many hours away.
Friends that have suddenly stopped reaching out or reciprocating in any way.
Spouses that withdraw emotionally, say ‘honest’ things that feel bad to hear, or gas light you into thinking nothing is wrong when something clearly is.
All these suck.
Does it suck worse than the emotional isolation of never letting anyone in? Right now, as Snail Shell is on loop in the background, yeah. I think so. And I’m feeling thankful for the reminder that I can retreat within myself and regroup.
The comfort of closing the door
This might not be the intentional meaning of Snail Shell but I brought parts of my life with me when I was first hearing it and that perspective stayed with me. For me, at its core, Snail Shell is anthem about feeling rejected, hurt, or betrayed. The feeling stings and reminds you that you chose to come out of your shell even though you knew this was a very likely outcome.
Relationships are this. No relationship will go un-scathed from either person feeling hurt at some point for one reason or another. Its the love and commitment to working through together that demonstrate the action of loving someone. Today, and the last month or so at least, I want to emotionally retreat. Feel like I can relax my shoulders and know that no matter what, I’ve always got my Snail Shell.
It’s Friday, June 13, and I’m hours away from the first of three They Might Be Giants shows in Seattle. Tonight, I’ll be there with my wife and youngest. Tomorrow night, I’m bringing my oldest. Sunday is Father’s Day and I will be attending that final show solo.
I’m not sure if I’ll be writing a 3-day concert review officially but I’ll probably share some pictures in the newsletter chat for the Substack users to see. But for now, I’m thankful that I’ve got this snail shell of my own. And a song that reminds me'; it’s okay to crawl inside it, whenever I need.
Listen to the song
This song has an official video!
There is also a version of this song that was released on their Back To Skull EP called Snail Dust that I really enjoy. Check it out.
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“Some things Gal says to Lad aren’t meant as bad but cause a little pain. They cause him pain.” They’ll Need a Crane, by TMBG.